"I don't like your tone of voice""Don't talk to me in that tone!"
"You have such a soothing tone in your voice"
"You sound so happy!"
What determines our tone? I need your help here. Sometimes David doesn't like my tone of voice. The tone of both my co-workers leaves A LOT to be desired. Some of the guards on duty do not like their job and their tone sometimes affects MY tone. It's everywhere when you really start to pay attention and listen to not just what's being said, but how it's being said. You can even detect tones in blog posts.
Is that what it is? Does mood effect tone? Is that all? When we're defensive, we have a different one. Some tones are attacking, others are comforting and elicit good responses from others. Is it about attitude?
If we are self-confident in what we're saying, we'll put out a good tone. If maybe, we're a little low on the self-esteem side, it's something else. Can you hear an inquiring tone in this post?
Some are not even aware of their tone and have no clue how to change how they come across. When you point it out to them, the defense comes in and then the tone just sucks. What is the best way, in a conversation, to affect the tone of the other person when you're uncomfortable with it? When you feel the situation could improve, if you both had calm tones?
If you throw in the body language? Oh my. Do we give any of this any thought when we open our mouth? Most of the time, no. Should we give it more thought? Weigh our words? Our tone? Our body language? Is this something, that if practiced over time, becomes ingrained and we become more effective communicators?
Recently, I've tried to be more aware, obviously, because of this post. It's becoming more of an issue in my daily life. It was probably always there, but I didn't always notice.
You can tell I just randomly typed this, just blurted it all out with no order at all. That's because I want you to think about your tone and how you come across. Do you ever think about it? Are you one of those that just say "accept me for what I am". It's the other person's problem to deal with? Should it be that way? Should they have to suffer because of your mood, your circumstances, your inadequacies or self-esteem issues, your self mechanisms, your life?
I'm guilty. Are you? What sets your tone?
12 comments:
when you use tones in your voice, what you are trying to do is change that person to do what you want and you shouldn't do that read my blog about that...also let david be david
I'm guilty. I swear though, if I thought about what I say and how I say it most times, I would say nothing, cause I would be thinking and planning too much! Maybe I should do that! Naw! That would be no fun at all! I do try to keep a positive tone, then it does change what other people respond with.
Interesting post!I try very hard to be aware of my blogging tone. My goal is for my blog to be cheerful and helpful in nature, with lots of eye candy to help my readers smile. So, I make an effort to not post when I am in pain (like the last few days, LOL) or upset. I hope that I succeed the majority of the time!In life, I know that my tone isn't always the best (my poor hubby!), mostly because of distractions (e.g., pain, LOL). I'm human! So when I detect something "off" in someone's tone, I try to understand the source before I react.
I'm guilty. My major tone is one of sarcasm, can't help it, it's how I come across. It's probably because it's how I feel a lot of the time.
Deb, you're always surprising me!That "tone" stuff is very powerful. I've been on both ends of the "tone" issue. Sometimes, I think that when people get a tone, it is how they really feel without actually saying it (if that makes sense). Other times, it can seem like people don't even realize they have a tone. I think that it would probably be best if people were able to talk about it when there is a tone issue. That seems like it would be the mature thing to do, so it probably doesn't happen too often. A lot of times, I think one person will take a tone, the other person will spout something like "I don't like your tone" and stomp off, and then the tone-taker stands there with their mouth hanging open, wondering about their tone. I think a lot depends on WHO it is that doesn't like your tone. The way one handles that information is directly related to the person who says it. If it is somebody whose opinion I care about--family, close friends--then I most certainly don't want to be ornery with them, knowingly or unknowingly. At work, since I care about my job (or at least the money I get from my job) and because my co-workers are good people that I have to spend a lot of time with and I'd rather have those hours be pleasant, I'd want to know if I was being perceived as rude. But then there are some people who like to be controlling, or who are hearing something that isn't there due to issues of their own, or don't know the other person (me?) well enough to have an opinion about the (my?) tone--those are the ones that can just keep going down the road if they don't like the (my?) tone. So, it is my opinion that there are a lot of variables there. Just like anytime humans interact!That was really interesting, and it never hurts to think about those things, I guess! Better understanding through thinking about things, compliments of Deb--why, thank you, Miss Deb! :)From the length of this comment, you can tell I like it when people actually ASK for my opinion...BWAHA! Ya know, sometimes I think it would be kind of nice if more people were less intense and just tried to have a better overall attitude and more fun. Your thoughts on that?
Tone is everything! I learned a long time ago, that the written word can be deceiving. Thats why it is important for us to be mindful of how we communicate using the written word. There is no tone. So something that is said in jest can be taken quite seriously because one didnt hear the tone in which the message would have been delivered if it were spoken instead of written.great post Deb, it made me think! My tone is usually one of humor, (unless I am bitching. LOL) I hope it comes out that way,
Such a good post and interesting comments. I don't think my tone of voice is as obvious as the expressions on my face. I have a very difficult time "not reacting" inasmuch as everyone has always said they can read my face like a book. Like my daughter might say "I know that look". Maybe I need a little nip and tuck. :)I don't totally agree with Tonjia on the written word. At least, I feel I'm "hearing" the tone of the writer. Not to say she isn't right.
I just think everybody needs to read "The Shack." That's what I think.
I know my tone is a direct result of my feelings or emotions... Blog tone is something hard to describe...It may be offensive o to someone, but I am trying to be light, I always try to include an icon to help express my tone/feeling :) :( :-0 I do try to watch my tone...especially with loved ones, because they can really pick up any change in my feelings very quickly....Good post:) a lot to think about....
Good food for thought. You know the saying "Stick and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me?" That's so wrong. Great thoughtful post.
You cannot include your own children in this. They NEVER at any age hear anything other than the tone of voice they want to hear. Sometimes this is to your advantage, most times it's not. I also really do believe a lot of tone perception depends strictly on the mood of the person you're talking to . Even if you were to say exactly the same thing, the happy person is going to interpret it a lot differently than the angry person. I'm going to bed now.
i saw moomy kissing santa clus under neath the christmas tree last night, she wasn't very bright..nothing seemed just righ watching moma kissing sant clus
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