Dear Inmate 666:
You asked me yesterday why your envelopes were not brought back to you that you'd ordered. I told you I would check on it. What I said under my breath when you left the table was "when hell freezes over". Not only will I not check, I'll forget you even asked. You don't realize what strength is required of me to even call out your name. I hate seeing it. I hate saying it. And I most hate the fact that I have to see you each week until January 2009.
I have to fight not to smash your cookies, put my finger in one of your doughnuts, not to take your whole order and throw it at you. I want to come across the table and gouge your eyes out. That hair on your chin and the fact you look and act like a man but are in the female dorm makes me want to vomit. I call your name and I can feel every muscle in my body tighten, my hands start shaking and I clench my teeth.
So far, you've been very polite to me. Please and thank you come freely from your mouth. I've responded in my practiced customer service voice. What comes out surprises me each time, because I've so much I want to say to you. The rage you've brought out in me scares me. It frightens me to think I would actually enjoy hurting you, because I've never been down this path before. I've told a few people how much it bothers me to see you. A few sympathize and understand. One doesn't even want to discuss it. I've thought of asking if I can just not deliver to your side of the floor. Something compels me to keep coming back. I think I WANT a confrontation with you. This would be extremely dangerous on my part. I'll lose. You could overpower me in about 2 seconds. You could come looking for me when you get out. You may have friends with guns. You could kill me.
However, the Momma Bear in me is wanting to tear you to shreds. Wanting to tell you that it was my baby, my only son, the life of my life that you stabbed with those dirty needles that day at the hospital. You're in here six months for Assault on a Campus Security Guard and when you assaulted him....you assaulted me.
The Commisary Lady
(and one extremely angry Mom)
14 comments:
I can't believe they'd put you in that position, to have to cater to someone who did harm to your son.
I had to run over here and read what you wrote before leaving. I am impressed you have been able to contain yourself. Proud that you have not compromised your integrity, pleased you are voiceing your anger AND fears. Honored to call you my friend.Hang in there Commisary Lady/MommaBear. YOU are the better person and always will be.
That's the one??? You have to be kidding me???
That's insane! How thoughtless can your bosses be?
You. are. so. strong! OMG! Please honey, be very careful. Do your bosses know that he's the one? So many thoughts went through my mind when I was reading this...I have tears of anger in my eyes. I could NEVER do what you are doing. Jees!
How awful for you, Debbie. I'm so sorry.
((((((((((((((Debbie))))))))))))hold your head up, look him/her in the eye and always remember. D-con in the right amounts will slowly cause a human to bleed to death internally...just kidding! just kidding folks! LOLOLOLOLso is this a guy or a girl?How is David doing?
Tonjia...OMG Girl! ROFLMAO!Debbie HUGS to you...all day I have been thinking about you...
Oh Tonjia! I love the way you think! Yes, this woman is a female but looks and acts like a man. ((Hugs to all of you))
(((((DEBBIE)))))) Sending hugs to you. Be the bigger person and don't give her/it the satisfaction of knowing that h/she caused harm. They feed off of that. And it is ok to think that bad things will happen to someone, just don't act on your thoughts. LOL
wow...does she know who you are? Probably not, but if she did she might understand why everything she gets is crushed, spit on and otherwise mutilated....your tact is amazing in this situation. Be careful...I don't want to have to contribute to a bail fund for you...*wink.
Wow. You have some serious balls and serious self restraint.I'm in awe.
Hold your head up high Girl and don't let 666 get to you. All the other momma bears are with you, but I know the need for revenge that burns down deep in my heart for the one that hurt my young one...it comes back to haunt me 5 years later, but I have to remember who I am, where I come from, and that I can never stoop to that level that they crawl from....
Debbie, I don't know what I would do. I don't know the situation, but sounds like the inmate hurt your son. What an awful position to be in. I can't imagine your anger. Please be careful and try to block your feelings and ignore her. It would be awful if you got into trouble over some monster. I hope that things get better concerning that situation.Best Wishes, Liz
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