Is this where I'm supposed to tell you what it does? You could all have it and this would be boring. I also spent quite a bit of time loading iGoogle as my homepage and adding widgets like I was on a shopping spree. Yes, that one and oh, have to have that one...yes, more things to play with and not get other stuff done. What can I say?
Finally got around to watching Farenheit 9/11 last night and got in a "mood" I am still trying to shake it today. All I'll say is DAMN and shake my head and try not to give my opinion here. I think I'm just fed up today with everything going on in the world. This too shall pass.
The blogging world seems quiet...I guess we are all getting outside and into piddling and puttering and gardening and cleaning. This is a good thing! I got some more stuff done in the garage yesterday. David is painting/decorating his Beer Pong Table with Jimmy Johnson logo. Spending a lot of time on it, only to give it away in two months. I told him he could put it out in the storage shed when he leaves. We'll see.
I can't even fathom the fact that in two months, I'll be making flight/hotel reservations for his graduation from basic training. Heading back with ex-husband to the place we started our married life out in 1980. I mean seriously, what are the chances of that? He told David he wasn't going to bring his GF because David has asked him not to. Umm...have reason just not to believe this. I'm just so not on board with this whole joining the AF thing. That part of my life was supposed to be over. My ex has moved on...I'm moving on and David is almost 22. We were in the military together almost our entire marriage and worked in the SAME building. 20 years! Now we'll have a son doing the same thing and what do you think we'll be talking about? Him and AF.
I love my son more than life itself and am really worried about my strong feelings and his not being able to mesh. What will happen to our relationship? I have never been selfish where he's concerned, quite the opposite!
For me it's like witnessing a murder of self somehow and having to return to the scene of the crime over and over....
Crap, should I delete and not post for today? How about Google Reader...check it out!
11 comments:
Hey Deb, I am so sorry about your pain and your struggle. I wonder if this is about David joining the AF or is it about you reconnecting with past times and the pain from the memories? I left my small town of 30 years to get away from my ex and his family and the whole reason I ever went to that town. but I found that I really had made a life there. It was not about HIM, it was about me/my life too. But I don't regret moving on. I just hope you can find some peace within yourself and don't let David's choice in life define your happiness. You deserve so much more. Look deep my friend, your happiness is there I promise. And so is peace, just let it in. Take care! lj
I am thinking nothing but good thoughts for you. Just know it will be okay.
Oh hon. Maybe we can brainstorm a way for you to be in a different place mentally and emotionally while you're there. Your use of witnessing a death has brought something to mind. When we put our dog down, we had a week to say good bye. Once it was done, we were able to heal better because of that week. I know this is different - I know that. I know you've been through a tremendous amount. Maybe schedule periodic times between now and then to think about what happened, what is likely to happen while at graduation, what the future probably holds. Go through that pain intentionally, give yourself time to be angry and grieve in advance, on your schedule, for fixed times. Alert a friend who will help pull you out of it too. It just might help.Sorry to be giving advice all willy-nilly.About my phone, I already have a phone plan with T-Mobile, and a contract, so not having a phone would be paying money for a service I don't use. The phone I broke was the cheapy free phone which came with my plan. I like T-Mobile for the circle of friends plan, since I only tend to call those people, but there are probably better plans out there.And I don't like Google Reader as much as I thought I would. Mostly because I can't see pictures. I like seeing people's pictures. But then, you probably already knew that. :)
Hey woman! Any post is a good post, even if it isn't something you think others "want" to read. I refuse to get google reader, I hate conforming to anything easy lol.
Hey Deb!!! I'm glad you didn't delete the post. In my opinion, this is what blogs are for--to work our stuff out. My gosh, I know that's what mine is all about 95% of the time! I don't know if I'll ever totally understand exactly why blogging is such good therapy, or why the people who visit and comment mean so much to me...but I guess I don't need to; it just is.Okay, Deb--obviously, I don't know what your circumstances are, what happened surrounding you, your husband and the Air Force, etc. So, just remember, I don't know any of that. But, in reading lisa j's comment (the first one), she says pretty much what I was thinking. I'm not really understanding why it is you are so against David going into the Air Force, other than the obvious fear for his safety, etc. I can just tell that, with you, it is beyond that. Whatever it is, Deb, just don't let it come between the two of you. And that's all I will say, keeping my ignorance of your situation in mind. Wow, Deb! For once, I shut my mouth early. HAHA!And what, pray tell, is a beer pong table? I didn't know one needed a whole table???? HA!
I am also glad you didnt delete this thread. I didnt know about Google reader, so I will check it out!Now about your feelings about David joining the USAF. Girl, I completely understand! I know I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes..All we can do, as parents, is the best we can do. Dont worry about David, he will be fine. If I were you I would make some special plans while you are in San Antonio, and approach this BMT graduation as a civilian parent and not as a former Airman.Where are you going to stay? Hang in there Debbie, we are here for you every step of the way!
A difficult time for you. Looks like you have got some great friends and great advice here. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for visiting my place.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. So you like my lane? I have posted more pictures of my lane and surroundings of my little world here in Coos Bay.I am sorry you are feeling so much pain about your son. I wish I could sit with you and talk over a cup of coffee. My thoughts and prayers are with you Deb.Hang in there. All of your blogging buddies are here for you.HugsPatti
Don't delete - you are speaking from the heart so leave it.And yes, copy that poem and give it to your son. I couldn't believe how perfect it was when I found it.Hallie :)
Hey Debbie, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I feel like I have not been much of a friend lately. Work has had me so busy and just STUFF. Wish I could "put it out there" like you do. I will check out google reader!
I just started this reader today, which is why I'm going back and commenting on posts I've missed. I got so behind in reading everyone's blogs, that I felt I had to try something different--something that lists everyone over on the left and tells me how many new posts are there. Brilliant!Your comment cracked me up--the only places you go are the store and the dump. Just think, if we got together we could go to three places total!
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