There's a reason this blog is named Paxie Panicker.
Panic disorder with agoraphobia. Good days and bad.
As long as life is relatively controlled, I seem to do okay. When things stack up, back to back, I get in an entire different frame of mind. Right now is one of them
Things that normally don't bother people, take on an entirely different life with me.
Not making this a long post. I haven't been able to drive to the Doctor in Greensboro (Pulmonologist) in almost 2 years. My brother or his girlfriend have been taking me and I buy them lunch or pay for gas. I'm attempting to go alone tomorrow and I've been a basket case. Even forcing myself to do it will result in a week of trying to calm back down.
Even my weekly relaxing on the float in the pool didn't help. Every time the float hit the side of the pool, I jumped like I had been stuck with a hot poker.
My appointment is at noon tomorrow. I may have to medicate. If you see me on Facebook tomorrow afternoon, you know I made it.
P.S. And it doesn't help when someone tells you "Just MapQuest it and take a right or left". Well shit. I don't live under a rock. Duh.
10 comments:
My friend, I understand. Completely. And tomorrow morning I will be thinking of you and sending you hugs and as much strength I can get through the air. Please let me know how things go. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Marge
I get it. I went to a town about thirty miles from me the other day. (Wednesday) I took MD's boyfriend with me. I was picking up my loom. I had to drive through San Francisco. (That wasn't the bad part) When I got to this town it was all uphill to get to the person's house. I was panicing the whole time trying to drive up those hills. (To top it off, my clutch is crappy) I think I finally felt fairly calm last night.
I want to stay home all weekend, holed up in my bedroom!
I didn't know this about you. Sometimes it's good to say something about disorders that are debilitating so folks understand what you go through.
... and the person who said "..get Mapquest.." doesn't understand. It's about more than knowing where your going. It's fear and anxiety. Maybe they thought that knowing how to get there would relieve some of the anxiety but it's so much more. You know that.
Please be careful and if you start to panic in the car... pull over and stop. Then do some deep breathing.
Your a tough lady, you can do this.
Medicate if it doesn't make you too sleepy.
I'll be praying that you get there and do OK!
I left you a comment on fb since blogger was being nasty but I'm going to try, try, try again.
I didn't know just how much you were suffering with this disorder. Several years ago I became completely debiltated by fear and anxiety, the how or why isn't important to this story but I literally didn't leave the house for two years. It was a horrible prison some of the time and a safe haven the rest of the time. With much medication and patience from my hubbby I have been able to slowly go places again. But I have to know the route we are taking, when and where, what time and we can't deviate from that plan at all or else...you know. Please be patient with yourself, I am so proud of you for taking these steps and I truly believe you are strong enough to do it. Baby steps, deep breath, and meds if you need to. I'm here.
My mother suffered from the exact same mix. Hugs to you. Hugs.
ToonMan is a closet agoraphobic .. he just doesnt go out if he doesnt have to ...
I completely understand. And I pray you made it ok today. situations like this are difficult, and I know you have to take them one at a time.
Dont punish yourself for this disorder Debbie, it is out of your control. If I were there I would drive you myself.
hugs to you my friend... I am going to Facebook to see how you are doing
My heart aches for what you are dealing with... I would drive miles out of my way to avoid having to drive across a bridge and if I knew no other way I would be sweating and almost faint by the time I got across. In the grocery if the lines got too busy where I had to wait to check out I would start panicking, leave my basket in an aisle and leave the store. If there was more than one car at the drive-in hangout I wouldn't stop for a soda... I could go on if you want. All I'm saying is I'm right there with you and feeling those feelings again...
Hugs...
I'm so glad to see that wonderful sense of humor come out in that P.S. - you have always made me laugh. :)
Tonjia said it well - don't punish yourself.
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