I'm just sayin....not clinical depression, but I sure feel like crap. Nothing is exciting me and it feels more like a way of life than a passing phase. I'm turning into a recluse. I go to Facebook, but am not reading blogs, not writing, not caring, etc. I'm waiting to snap out of it. Slapping myself up side the head and telling myself to get with it, get over it. Trying to keep busy. Nada.
The summer was a flat out bust at the lake. Oh, I had a few good weekends with David. I love seeing him and we enjoy it, but as far as Rooster? We just couldn't get it together. She's changed and I don't know why. We're still working on it. She went off her hormones a couple years ago and has been changing since then. Whatever....My brother and Sharon came up once. Sharon came up one other time and we had a great time.
I've got my jet ski up for sale. I'll still have the other one to putter around on. It's not worth the monthly payment and insurance for a FEW times on the lake a year.
When I was married, we were camping fanatics and I guess I'm trying to relive that and it's not going to happen. It's just time to start facing facts here. David is out on his own and I need to change my entire way of living.
Yes, I've been cooped up in the house since March. I've been out doing yard work, which I don't mind. I know I need to get out and volunteer, join something. I KNOW all the things I need to do. It's the actual action that is eluding me. That kick in the ass to get me going.
I want an exciting job. Something I really like doing. Not just sitting at a desk. In all honesty, I really enjoyed that damn jail job. Just needed two different co-workers. I'll find it eventually. I tried today to sign up to volunteer to serve food at the Salvation Army and the damn website froze. WTH? I want to volunteer at Crisis Control Ministries too.
I've looked at every Craigslist post for a dog, every animal shelter photo. I want a dog. How long have I been talking about this? The perfect dog does not exist Debbie. Seriously, I look daily. If I sell the jet ski, I can afford it. The dog will need walks. Debbie needs to walk. Win. Win.
Then when I talk out loud, it will be to the dog and not myself. I'm annoying me. I'm getting on my nerves.
And TV is really pissing me off. Politics, reruns, commercials....all of it. I can't even find a Netflix movie to watch online that I like. Nothing is exciting. Oh, wait, I did drool over an old Kevin Costner movie the other night. God, what I would give.....
Okay, well I did it. I posted. I know....boring.
10 comments:
{{{{{Debbie}}}}}Volunteering is a great idea, and it can lead to a paying job as well. Get that dog! Love you!
posting is a start Debbie. Keep doing it...you will find a lot of concern and support. I only know this because I have been suffering with the D much lately myself. Take care and if you need to talk...jmwe4(at)yahoo(dot)com...;p
Debbie - we all get, at some point, where you are now. Sometimes, I have to MAKE myself do things. I like working in the yard also, but the summer has ruined ALL of it especially in the front. Dead grass, dollar weed, etc. I keep getting advice about what to do, then go to purchase the materials and they're "out". And, I can't afford to hire someone to straighten it out; they higher than sin!! I want to do some painting in the house, but then I think 'what if I get foreclosed on'. I'm not kidding about that!!I have made myself call four old friends this week that I haven't spoken with since Ben died, and it did make me feel better, and they seemed to understand. I couldn't do it before now. So sorry to hear that about your friend, Rooster; hopefully she'll be back to herself (the self you love) before long.Please blog, though, it really does help me even when I don't have much to talk about. It doesnt matter what you say; we're still gonna be here for you!! (((hugs)))P.S. I think if we were all honest, we'd admit these are depressing times but we have to keep living the best we can.
Hey girlfriend! At least you blogged this time! I am so so so happy to hear from you! And thanks for the comment. I would have checked in on you even if you hadn't commented.I think your ideas are great ones. Sometimes we just have to kick our own asses to give ourselves that jump start.Debbie...just put one foot in front of the other. If you only get two steps ahead it's a success. I feel for your situation, I have beent here, many times before. I'm not trying to out do you, I just want to let you know you are not alone!Get out there! I know it's hard to sometimes, but PUHLEASE, let us know how you are. I think about you every day. EVERY. DAY!I love you...keep trying!
hugs and some more hugs :) november will be three years... glad i see you on face crack
hi lake girl from lake boy...went to blue lake and built a 16 foot by 39 foot raft, what a lark...i remember your jail job, was it that long ago?????does you foot still pain you???
hey--- i remember you :))your post isn't boring-- in fact-- i'm excited to see it-- keep it up-- it'll give you somethin to do-- and obviously we have all missed ya.what kind of dog do you want? a big dog, little dog? free dog? pure red? mutt? my hubby is the best dog finder in the world! he can find you exactly what you want in a matter of days. email me a wish list and i will give it to him--- before ya know it-- you will have a doggy.as for your depression--- blame the monkey !!! you said you didn't like him when ya put him up-- so take him down. put a dog up instead. :)) maybe that'll make a difference.. for a while. never know right?and as for the jet ski-- how much? does it have a trailer? what kind? how old? where do ya live? hmmmm? i want a jet ski so bad it kills me. i need one a ole lady can ride tho- we used to have an hx-- but no way can i pull that off these days.anyhow-- good to see ya-- some good movies to watch?adventureland-what doesn't kill you-obsessed? obbsession? crap-- not sure but it's fairly new. pretty good.iv'e seen several good ones lately-- just can't think right now. but there's a few.anyways-- ttylg'night
Hey, don't feel if you don't blog. Blog when you feel like it. But I do know that I missed hearing what you are up to. HOWEVER, I will not throw that first stone.....since I am not blogging anymore. Life just keeps on going (thank goodness!) and honestly, the season premiers are coming this week and next..so life will be all ok once again!!! You aren't boring, and that "perfect" dog will come along just when it is suppose to!
Deb - come over and enter my giveaway - skateboarding might be your answer. :)
I like my current job. Psychiatric technician at a psych hospital. Definitely worth looking into. The night shift is a good option, since it's quieter and the pay is better. And it's always interesting. Always.We love our Australian Shepherds. Have you taken an online quiz to see which dog you're most compatible with? Google one and it might help you narrow down the dog choice.Get movin' girl. We all love you and want to see you engaged in life again. :)
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